it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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