dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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