she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
