fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
