I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
last night I used snow as a chaser
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize