On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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