Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
