I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
