Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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