remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
