Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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