ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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