I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
