Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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