my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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