I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
