I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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