I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
