so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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