wrigley field is MILF paradise
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
