You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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