Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
