Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
