I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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