maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
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When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
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Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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