The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
