O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
