Got a toothbrush?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
