can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
