I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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