i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
