Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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