am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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