you're like a bully in the Christmas story
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
