I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
