When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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