420 ftw
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
