I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
