the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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