if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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