He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
