I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
