Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize