the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
