I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I think I just sharted jello shots
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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