I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
