then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I want to walk on stilts...naked
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
