I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
