i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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