he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is the high leading the old right now
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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