Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
