Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
