i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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