dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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