Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
