I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
vagina is talking i cant
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
