you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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