just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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