just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
you had me at cake vodka
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
