i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Text me some of your sweat
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
