just tell him i said nine months
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
