I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
My bed is full of blood and feathers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
