the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
