I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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