Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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