Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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