Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
