Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Randomize
