somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Randomize
