I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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