Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
