Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
