I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
