i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im holly from the hills drunk
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize