Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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