The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
