So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
