my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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