oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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