I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
