This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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