How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
