Need sex. Gaining weight.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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