you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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